Happy Mother's Day!

So, tomorrow is my first Mother's Day (sort of). It is amazing to think that I will be a mother in a few months (well hopefully several months--we need these babies to stay in). It is exciting, yet I am a little nervous at the same time. I want to be the best mother that I can be for these babies. I know I will have my share of my mistakes, yet I believe there is something to be said for the intentionality of planning to be a mother (we have already established that I am a planner). I have had a lot of time to think about it and what I want my children to learn from me (and I will have a lot more time as I sit on the couch during bed-rest). There are several things that I don't want my children to learn from me that I have become more cognizant of through self-awareness, counseling, marriage, and my master's program. Things that I am working hard to change so that I can be a better example to them. The greatest thing I want to teach our children is love--I want our children to never doubt Michael and I's love for them. We have loved these children before they even existed--we have prayed for them, I have pleaded with God for them just like Hannah, and we have dreamed of them. Of course we didn't dream we would have all three at once :)

Even though I have been dreaming of this moment since I was a child these children are a part of us. I think that it is almost just as, or more, amazing to me. I don't love Michael anymore now that we are having children yet there is a stronger connection to him in some ways. As a result of our love we have created these babies that will contain pieces of both of us (hopefully more of him) and they are testaments of our love and faith. Today in class we were discussing what marriage is really about and the professor read a quote from the movie Shall We Dance? (one of my favorites)

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet...I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything--the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...all of it, all the time, everyday. You're saying, "Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

I'm so glad that Michael is my witness to these babies--he stuck with me through the rough, emotional moments and he was a constant support. Even though his optimism can be a little annoying sometimes :) Having children is somewhat similar--we will be their witnesses until they find significant others. We will be there through the good and bad and be a constant support to them. We will love them, encourage them, and support them. I'm so excited to be on this journey of motherhood especially because of who their father is :) He is going to be wonderful and his love for them already is amazing. So, tomorrow is Mother's Day but it seems even more than that it is a celebration of what our love has created. I'm so excited :)

P.S. So, I talked with my employer some more yesterday and we are going to explore the long-term disability a little more before I have to put in my resignation...so who knows but I am beginning to have more peace about it all :)